I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
