Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
