Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
