I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
