Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize