Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
