do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
