I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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