you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
