I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm too high and old for this...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
