OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
