Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
