Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
