be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
