we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
