I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
