is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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