Your tits are I can't wait for
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
