I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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