He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize