The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
