mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
