If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
