I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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