I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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