I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
