I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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