Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
