hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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