i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize