I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
