okay pat passed out under dana's car
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
we're so committed to being not committed
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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