I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He better not be in your backpack
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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