Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
