I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
