I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
