Don't EVER smell your tampon
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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