I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
