He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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