ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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