i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
