You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
