Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Randomize
