the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
