your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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