he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
