Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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