3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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