the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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