my soul wont recognize me after tonight
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
A+ Viking dick
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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