It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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