Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
