yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize