Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
