Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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