I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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