I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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