so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
