I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
