a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
