Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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